Loving and Hating, Longing and Loathing
by SinsofMidnight
Summary: The musings of Shizuka's human servant on loving, hating, longing, loathing, Purebloods, and body-swapping. ONESHOT! Vaguely suggested Shizuka/Ichiru and Zero/Yuuki, but very cannon storyline.


**Loving and Hating, Longing and Loathing**

**_Fandom: _**_Vampire Knight_

**_Teaser:_**_ " Is this the fate of the Purebloods, to forever circle these emotions? Loving and hating, longing and loathing until they draw their last breath?"_

**_Inspiration:_**_ I have no idea what made me write this… _

**_Rating:_**_ T_

**_Warnings:_**_  
-Moody Ichiru is Moody  
-Body-swapping  
-General strangeness…_

**_Main Pairing: _**_Ichiru/Shizuka, but only if you squint…_

**_Minor Pairings Mentioned: _**_Zero/Yuuki is hinted at…_

**_Setting: _**_Cannon, for once. Just a short little drabble around Shizuka's entrance into the academy._

**_POV: _**_It's all Ichiru's. First person perspective for the win._

**_Summary:_**_ The musings of Shizuka's human servant on loving, hating, longing, loathing, Purebloods, and body-swapping._

**_Additional ANs:_**_ Vampire Knight is my non-fluffy fluff sandbox, apparently. Who knew? lol_

* * *

Shizuka-sama and I are alone together in this world that has broken us.

They said she was mad, and they caged her like an animal. "The Madly Blooming Princess" they called her.

They used to say I was too weak, that I depended on my brother too much. It was predicted that I wouldn't live to be a teenager.

Both of us knew the unfailing love of another.

Shizuka-sama lost her love to my parents, vampire hunters, who slew him before he dropped to a Level E.

I hated mine, my sweet twin brother, hated his constant love with every part of my being, hated living in his shadow. And thusly, I destroyed him, with Shizuka-sama as my weapon.

It hurts to think of Zero now, because he was so constant for me, and loved me too much even in the womb. It would have been easier for everyone if Zero hadn't been so softhearted to his weaker twin, had instead killed me. This burning pain, hatred, rage wouldn't be mine to feel. I wouldn't have been that weaker second child that adored and secretly hated his twin. My parents wouldn't have born the burden of a weak son, especially in our Spartan-like community. Zero could have concentrated on Shishou's teachings, not worry about his sickly twin.

But when I do bear the pain of Zero's memory, I think about his life now. The adored first child, lowered to being a creature he detests, knowing that eventually he will go mad and have to be disposed of. How he must hate himself, a vampire, knowing what he will become!

Shizuka-sama kept track of my little brother, more for the pleasure of knowing she completely destroyed him than for my benefit. I know he was given to an ex-vampire hunter with some kind of hankering toward vampire-human relations, running a school where vampires and humans alike attend. He made my brother a school guardian and armed him with a Bloody Rose.

I wonder how many times Zero has pondered turning it on himself.

He has a "sister", a child raised along side him that was found wandering alone in the snow by a Pureblood and was likewise given to the hunter. I hear she's pretty, that Zero loves her. I wonder how many times he's instinctively thought of ripping the girl's throat out and wanted to kill himself for wanting to harm her.

It makes my life that much brighter to see my twin suffer so, hating himself, keeping secrets from those he loves. I think he may truly understand my existence before Mistress found me. I hope his sweet little "sister" is the one who must kill him. I can see her weeping as she does it, Zero hating himself to his final breath for hurting her.

Somehow, I don't think he'd suffer enough. If only I could come up with a way to make him suffer more.

* * *

The door slowly opened, revealing a girl who looked quite similar to Shizuka-sama.

"Mistress?" I asked, rising to my feet. I knew she'd gone out to collect a body. I just hadn't expected it to look like her own form.

She smiled a sweet smile at me and I knew it couldn't be her. Shizuka-sama must have collected a relative. "Ichiru. Shizuka-sama has told me so much about you. I'm Maria."

I didn't reply. Instead, I led her to the room Mistress bade me prepare earlier.

She chattered gaily, and I realized just how nervous she must be. I asked, "Why are you allowing Shizuka-sama to use your body?"

She stopped in her tracks, stunned that I had spoken to her. Her face burned hotly as she admitted, "My body is very weak. She offered to make my body stronger."

Ah, a plight I understood. I nodded sharply, before replying, "Miss?"

She followed me slowly and hesitantly this time. _What is keeping Shizuka-sama?_ I wondered.

"She's still in the carriage, Ichiru," Maria told me.

_I hate it when vampires do that!_ I repressed my urge to yell at her and tell her that it was an invasion of privacy and just lead her down the hall to the room.

As I turned to leave her, she grabbed my arm. "Ichiru-kun?"

I looked at her.

"Don't leave me alone," she said softly.

As much as it annoyed me, I understood her feelings, so I sat down beside her and waited for Sizuka-sama to arrive.

Because there is not much in this world more intimidating than a Pureblood vampire, and that was a fact I knew very well. Nothing could do as much damage, nothing could exert as much control, and nothing had more power.

Was it any wonder that the weaker Nobles worshiped them for a chance to taste the sweetest, ancient blood that ran through their veins?

Even though I knew its flavor, I still felt the same way about her: loving and hating, longing and loathing.

Even though she knew my touch, she still reacted the same way: loving and hating, longing and loathing.

Once more, I envied my twin. She did not hate him; she loved him. She did not loath him; she longed for him.

But then again, he did not love her; he hated her. He did not long for her; he loathed her.

And now that I thought about it, Maria had to feel the same way: loving and hating, longing and loathing.

_Is this the fate of the Purebloods, to forever circle these emotions? Loving and hating, longing and loathing until they draw their last breath?_

* * *

**_Please review._**

_**Sorry this is so dark, but I love those twins...**_


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